did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
