you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
