I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
