He is such a slut. More and more my type.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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