Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think i got beer on your cat.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
