the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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