hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
