I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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