When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
