shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
