who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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