so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
