I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
