never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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