i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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