Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize