Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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