OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
