maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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