i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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