How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
