Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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