if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
