In the future we'll all be gay
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
