he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Enjoy the penises
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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