I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
