And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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