Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Randomize
