I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
