your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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