I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We have started to decorate penises.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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