if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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