Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
