that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Two words: blizzard sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
