Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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