Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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