The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My balls are so social today.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
