if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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