I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
