im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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