Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
