You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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