when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
