dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
