OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
