i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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