so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was confusing and full of hummus
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
