If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
