cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't deserve a penis
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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