I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
