You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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