i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
