Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
