Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Too much gin, very little bucket
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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